The Best-Worst Relationship Advice I've Ever Heard

Break ups are rough. Honestly, they just suck.


However, I find the best way to deal with the tough times in our lives is through laughter. Recently my boyfriend of about 3.5 years broke up with me so I have been getting ridiculous advice out the wazoo. Obviously friends (and family and random people) have thrown in their two cents about what steps I should take to move on and such. Some have offered words of wisdom and others have said some things that are just not so wise. Compiled below are my top 5 best pieces of worst relationship advice I have been told. I hope you find the humor and solace in them that I have.

1. Life is an Ocean and You are a Barracuda


Life is like one big ocean and just when you think I'm going to say there is more fish in the sea, you're wrong. You are a barracuda and your ex is little Nemo. You are so much bigger and better. Except that in the movie Finding Nemo the Barracuda comes in and eats all Nemo's brothers and sisters and mom so just don't do that. Yeah, that would be bad.


2. P.S. You Got Dumped

Just in case you aren't sure what is going on, you got dumped. That is what happened. It sucks but its part of the healing process so you just need to deal with it, okay? The first step is recognizing what happened so say it with me "You. Got. Dumped."




3. Don't go to the bar and get all sweaty with some Latin guy
Don't go down to the bar, get all tipsy and get your grind on up against some sweaty dude with half his shirt undone. You know the one with the gelled hair, sweat everywhere, and more chest than shirt showing. It won't make you feel better. My friend Ryan (a guy) told me "Nicole, it didn't work for me, so I don't think it will work for you either." No, he is not gay. You may think it is a good idea at the time, but apparently it's not.




That might actually be the only piece of semi-solid advice in here.


4. Just Screw Boys


You are a strong, independent woman and you need to just screw boys. Just screw them all, every single one of them. Wait, that didn't come out the way I meant it. That is not what I meant! I mean just forget boys……yeah forget boys.


5. Seriously, Jesus told me to break up with you


If it makes you feel better maybe Jesus told him to break up with you. Yeah, because that totally makes me feel better. I mean I get what your trying to say here...sort of, but let's be honest it totally isn't helping.

Do you have some solid awful or hilarious relationship advice that has been given to you? Comment below, I would love to hear it!

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